Violent Whispers

This song inspired this stream of thought… https://youtu.be/tk36ovCMsU8 Silence by Marshmellow and Khalid.

Growing up I was a quiet one. Yet my emotions and inner thoughts were like violent whispers…whether it be shame and guilt or embarrassment and insecurity. My inner mind was always in a battle. Even as a Christian I was always playing a never ending game of jesus love and forgiveness versus my guilt and shame of not being perfect in my own will and understanding of my life. So after years of battling myself I worked out I had to let it all go. The self judgement. The game of right vs wrong while understanding that I am just a man with no ultimate truth, except this; that I am a man alive and in need of my own grace in regards to accepting my own percieved weakness and flaws, so I can move passed this and become a father able to love his family.

I need to remind myself of the value of this limited life and the love I have found and foster daily within my own family. As a parent your beliefs are reflected by your child as they mimic you on there journey to becoming their own person.

In summary, it’s about recognising and encouraging self acceptance, life and love that changes a man of violent thoughts and emotions to a passive man that can enable himself to be the man he wants to be, rather then a man formed by his own insecurities and everyone elses ideas and judgement upon him, unable to see beyond his own wall of self-pity.

This moment of our lives is unique

‚ÄčI just witnessed a car slowly veer into oncoming traffic which just happened to be a truck on lancefield rd at 720am, but the truck pulled over to side of road in time to miss the red ute which veered toward him and took up half the lane. Then the ute came back into its lane after it missed the truck and drove passed me. I was angry and shocked at what i just saw and thought about tooting my horn at them as they drove passed… Was it fatigue driving and they just started drifting over? but a few moments after i thought maybe it was intentional..then i remembered reading about suicide by trucks in australia and how it’s not that uncommon…and i may have just witnesssed an attempt at it. As all this happened i was listening to a dramatic instrumental piece in the car called ‘sunshine (adagio in d minor)’ by john murphy. Listen as you read.   https://youtu.be/NQXVzg2PiZw 

So now i wrote something like this..
This moment of our lives is unique.

To be alive is a miraculous priviledge.

Have you pain inside which you can’t negate?

Is their loneliness you can’t escape..

Does it feel like too much ..like

You can’t deal with whats on your plate?

Don’t linger on anger, despair or fate

Our lives are limited and fragile

Yet astounding and great.

Our pain is not our dictator

It is not an orrator for our life’s worth

Pain is a tool, it shows us our weakness 

It has the power to transform 

Ash into a great work of art.

Next time you feel pain

Don’t let it treat you like a slave 

You’re more then one bad feeling. 

You haven’t got much time left until the grave.

So be aware of your plight

And rather then squander your life

prepare to fight

Then i promise you’ll see a ray of light.

It’ll bring a change of focus.

The way you were before was just hocus pocus.

The life ahead of you is priviledged

Its unique and finite.

Treat it like new born child. Be gentle and supportive of all the weak areas. 

Then watch yourself grow into something beautiful.

Be aware of yourself

Being aware of yourself. It’s kind of a big deal. You’re a living being with senses and feeling and ideas. I find I take this fact for granted. How about you?

Have you stopped to evaluate all that you’re feeling….or are you pushing it aside for some uninspiring reason. 

We have value we aren’t aware of. Our lives mean more then any bad things we experience. Our experience has tunnel vision. Don’t let just experience define you, instead try not to be afraid to let a little wonder sneak into your thoughts. Wonder of what you could achieve if you have no limits in your mind. Take a risk toward doing something that may very well make you happy. 

Express those Emotions

Our emotions can lead us to places we often fear to tread by our own volition. Our emotions, thoughts and feelings are often signposts for what we will become, our emotions want to be expressed without fear of judgment and once truly expressed it allows you as a person to become a better and stronger version of yourself that can see a lot clearly what you want out of life. If we choose the alternative to expression, which is suppression we face becoming what we fear and risk losing control of ourselves. As the longer we suppress our true feelings the more bitter and negative our own feelings towards ourselves will become and we become a more bitter and cynical person as a result. It’s better to tread our ways to an uncomfortable place ourselves by choice, rather than letting the emotions bottle up and lead us to a dramatic confrontation of our own inner insecurities. Who can accept us if we are truly open and honest about our feel? Mainly only those who care for us will be able to accept us, but we may be surprised how supportive strangers may be as well. Everyone who judges you negatively is just a critic with no understanding of your life and history, so it’s better to live for the ones you love rather than those bitter lonely critics. We are all human, experiencing similar feelings as each other. The sooner we admit that, the better we will all be for it.