have you ever felt like you’re on the outside looking in?
where you are there in the room with others but you don’t feel like you fit in, like they don’t understand you? like you don’t feel like part of their culture but they act like everything is alright because they see you there ready to laugh at their jokes?
Well I’ve felt that way and I think honestly it’s myself who is causing this, but I don’t know why I choose to belittle myself in my own mind and choose to perceive things this way(may be a negative emotional response I developed in childhood I’m yet to unlearn perhaps?). My perception is that they don’t have time for me, that my words will be superficial and lead to more superficial chat of which I struggle to act interested in. I feel we are not interested enough in other people unless it serves our personal desire/motives to do so. Example: Why do we walk by a person in need in the streets? the main reasons are that we don’t want to mess up our life routine or be inconvenienced with a person with needs when we feel our needs are barely being met(mainly emotionally). Our selfishness isolates us, but it’s hard to break the cycle of selfishness unless you have someone willing to help you break those boundaries and not judge you harshly when you fail(this is someone acting compassionate toward you). If we experienced acts of Compassion like this from those around us more often(ie giving time to one another not just for fun, but for emotional support/exploration), we may break off those self-made chains of personal insecurity a lot easier and quickly, if only we dared pass on this kind of compassion on to one another and forget about personal inconvenience for a moment.