inner struggle

Letting go of the emotional/mental things I’ve hidden behind within my mind for so long is tough, frustrating, liberating and challenges my very soul. Who am i away from the confines of how i think i should be living, compared to the person i am when i am not ashamed to speak my genuine feelings, when i am the person who can let go of the fear of others peoples judgement and who can be totally genuine in the moment. (the latter is my goal). It’s scary. I’ve hidden my identity behind fears, beliefs and moral values, that I guess I never truly believed in my heart, this is why i was always struggling inside myself being very doubtful, lacking confidence too. I never discovered the man i was, as i was always busy trying to be the man i thought i was expected to be. Plus i was lazy and the struggle was a kind of habitual comfort to me, but i didn’t realize this at the time. Now It’s time to wake up, bring that man within me to the surface for once and no longer hide away in the shadows of my ‘apparent’ beliefs. All this was triggered by a single word, ‘genuine’. i really don’t think I’ve been that, to myself for 29 years. It’s time to press the reset button on my heart.

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