human interaction

Human interaction is a fickle thing, imagine standing in a room with strangers. why is it you can get along with someone in just a few minutes, yet others you talk to aren’t as tolerable for you or toward you and you just don’t seem to connect with.

Sure social skills play a part in how well you get along with people in general, but i’ve found there are people i can connect with and get energy from and others it’s much harder to trust. This feeling of trust is weird as it occurs when they are talking with you and its like they just seem to click with your thoughts and say what you’re thinking, making you feel good and this lets you enjoy the commonality of feeling understood, even if just for a brief moment. i just don’t know how humans work.

 

 

 

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Grow, on the inside

How do I see my own potential? very narrowly and subjectively and well…very naively. My emotions rise through me and I hear their clanging at my mental door, trying to get out and have there say. But from early childhood I’ve always taught myself to repress, to suppress my inner self and it’s probably saved me a lot of regret but then again it may not have been all as bad as I suspected, If I’d just felt free enough to express my emotions in the moment.

It may have actually stunted my growth by avoiding confrontation, as by doing so I avoided learning from any mistakes or any success, which may have helped frame my own understanding who I am.

I am a classic overthinker, who observes and judges but then decides not to say anything, with a few exceptions. I have been changing over the last few years. I believe I am more open and less judgemental and less fearful, or I have managed some of my fears. Though I seem to find it hard to define who I am.

I see myself as a collection of fears and insecurities wrapped up in a congenial shell, that is too congenial. Which others may see as a type of complacency, or disinterest in them as I don’t appear to give genuine answers, maybe as I think too much, which oozes ill confidence which is as unattractive as a leaf landing on a fresh turd, not something you will see very often, but nothing you would think to appreciate or remember.

There’s only been one moment in recent memory that has actually brought change within me, internally, in regards to how I view my world. It was January 4, 2014 after work I walked Toby(my dog) in nearby bush track at Mt Charlie, I was thinking to myself and frustrated with my introvertedness and my fear of reaching out to new people. Then this thought sprung into my mind, ‘let go of all fears and assumptions in your mind and look at the possibilities unfold before your eyes’. Now this may sound rather unprofound to you, but when something brings a revelation to yourself, you feel changed and those words are like a mantra for me, well, that’s if I remember to re-sight them when I’m feeling awkwardly quiet. But it’s like a starting point for me, to overcome my habitual fears. I want more change like this occur, but I don’t think I can just will it to happen, it happens in its own time and I think I just need to be in a place which allows me to be free and to own my own feelings, then more change is likely to occur. But doing so goes against all my ingrained nature. Also for me it’s the natural world, the bush, the trees the dirt which I get my energy from, I think I need to own this, then I can grow as the nature around me grows, perhaps?

Rule everything within you

Over controlled emotions are just as unnerving to one’s self as unrestrained emotions, but their effects occur unseen internally in the body, while unrestrained emotions often lead to an outward physical expression. The latter gives others an opportunity to take note of your feelings, the other leaves you to sort it out….or not, by yourself.  If you go it alone always source new arguments for and against your current emotional state. As we can be our own worst enemies who can’t see our own forest of feelings, behind our biggest tree of discontent at times. Don’t just believe yourself just because it seems the easiest, instead believe you can override any part of yourself if you so desired. Don’t be ruled by one thing within you, rather rule everything within you.

Humans and the earth

I am a stream of life flowing upon the earth.  Moving moment by moment. My heart is unique, yet a gift of chance, a fleeting leaf straggling in the force of the wind.

Whether my creation is by a divine hand or the result of an impossible chance of combined molecules, i see the gift of living as the same. Only the world we forge in our minds determine our worth and that of others.

Humanity repeats its history again and again which is the story of finding meaning amongst our desires and our sense of self. We fight for the things we want to protect, no better than any other animal.

It seems nature gave humanity a unique mind, we think we are better then the animals based solely on our sense of intelligence.

Nature brings humanity viruses killing millions. We create a protection through science and medicine but we fail to recognize that natures is counting on humanity dying, so it can thrive.
With minds of such intelligence we make wars upon each other. Perhaps nature allowed an intelligent mind to be ruled by emotions which may lead to violence, to keep humanity’s population lower. Perhaps our sense of evil behavior was instilled in us by nature as a form of self preservation for itself.

We are organic beings, we are connected to the earth, there may be a deep connection we fail to recognize as we forge kingdoms in our mind whom we choose to serve, rather than know the kingdom of the earth around us. Tribes who lived in close connection to the earth must know something a westernized technology ridden person can not perceive.

We think we need to create solutions for the earth when all the earth wants is for humanity to stop exploiting it and kull the ignorant part of humanity so it can heal itself.
Perhaps at a point in the future we may have to sacrifice our intelligence to find our place on this earth.