a lonely explanation..

Loneliness is a possessive emotion, it thrives in the absence of felt love, even if that lonely person is surrounded by people that love them, if that love is never strategically expressed, meaningfully & on purpose in every day life, that love may never truly be felt, it may not be seen as a reality to that lonely person, because if that love is only expressed in times of distresses they likely will not believe it, in other words that love you think you have for them may fall on deaf ears, in the time of their need. Then you’ll regret it. So express love at any & everytime. Don’t wait until they’re broken until you express it.

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being on the outside, if no one brings you in.

have you ever felt like you’re on the outside looking in?

where you are there in the room with others but you don’t feel like you fit in, like they don’t understand you? like you don’t feel like part of their culture but they act like everything is alright because they see you there ready to laugh at their jokes?

Well I’ve felt that way and I think honestly it’s myself who is causing this, but I don’t know why I choose to belittle myself in my own mind and choose to perceive things this way(may be a negative  emotional response I developed in childhood I’m yet to unlearn perhaps?). My perception is that they don’t have time for me, that my words will be superficial and lead to more superficial chat of which I struggle to act interested in. I feel we are not interested enough in other people unless it serves our personal desire/motives to do so. Example: Why do we walk by a person in need in the streets? the main reasons are that we don’t want to mess up our life routine or be inconvenienced with a person with needs when we feel our needs are barely being met(mainly emotionally). Our selfishness isolates us, but it’s hard to break the cycle of selfishness unless you have someone willing to help you break those boundaries and not judge you harshly when you fail(this is someone acting compassionate toward you). If we experienced acts of Compassion like this from those around us more often(ie giving time to one another not just for fun, but for emotional support/exploration), we may break off those self-made chains of personal insecurity a lot easier and quickly, if only we dared pass on this kind of compassion on to one another and forget about personal inconvenience for a moment.

 

 

Connecting

People connect with one another, it is how we are meant to live. Connecting means engaging people in conversation, accepting people’s company, listening to their thoughts and speaking your own.

Throughout my past, I’ve always isolated myself by default, i guess it’s due to a childhood of criticism and the lack of open communication, it left me unable to be vulnerable to share my thoughts and life with another in a sincere way, i still struggle with this, but I have so much to gain by connecting with people, I’ve got to lose my inhibitions which confine my connections. People connecting with each other is a special thing. Especially strangers. Of everyone, those few whom you connect with & engage in conversation with are special. What draws us together?

You and I should stop resisting each other’s company out of fear or an exaggerated sense of personal insecurity, if you are doing that. In saying that you should excercise caution with the people whom you connect with. People who want to isolate you and keep you to themselves are not trustworthy and do not love you, well not love you with a love that wants the best for you, they tend to love you to control you. I hope you can discern the difference in your relationships. If not you’re setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

 

Rant

The wheels keep on turning, the motor is still running, i am constantly driving but its as if i feel like the road directly in front of me is the only thing i can see, like i’m driving at night, but my high beams aren’t working, so i can’t make out the surroundings, just the small space in front of me. I don’t know whats going to come out in front of me. I drive in faith that i am going to get somewhere i want to go because i have no other option.

Planning my trip is a lot to ask myself, as i don’t know what i really want, only the idea of what i want. Only when opportunity comes about in such a way that i couldn’t of prepared it myself, does it feel like i can make a choice. I don’t often get in a position to make a choice, alot depends on factors of where i am both physically and mentally, plus what ideas are driving my mind/heart at that time.