What I can do now is embrace all I know and let any oppression fall off of me. I cannot reason my life out according to my level of shame or according to my happiness alone. The inevitable and unpredictable change that life can bring to us does not favour the fearful and habitually digressive mind. Avoiding the things we are too afraid to mention only serves the fear and entraps you in a place that stunts your growth. To those of us still living under the banner of passivity, may you find the courage to find a way to tear it down and replace it with a word such as agility, which means flexible with change and quick to adapt to the circumstances it is found in.
Loss, in our human experience is an overwhelming feeling. This is an attempt to explore it.
“The loss of someone you knew personally can overload your emotions and make you feel shipwrecked on an island of despair, surrounded by a calm sea and beautiful scenery, yet nothing around seems important, as the loss has overcome your senses, as tears become the only things that you find comfort in.
Now once the tears subside and you begin looking around, things still don’t quite have the look of adventure and excitement they once had, the world around you seems like a machine moving in sync with each different part of the environment, the waves crash their way into the sand as the sand seems to suck them in, the wind blows the trees and the birds move back and forth between them. Then you manage to fall to sleep, in a half-dazed state, while watching the machine keep moving around you, then you shut your tear strained eyes and drift into slumber.
You wake up to the sunrise and birds singing, with a slight headache as you havent been drinking much water, as you havent been able to look after yourself. You then think back to yesterday and the loss you experienced, tears well up but you have a bit more resolve and can start trying to think things through. The places around you now remind you of the person you lost, you go back to the track where you and they once walked, you touched the rock that you both touched to continue on the track, you stop where you both stopped for a break and ate snacks, you remember a distinct memory, where they said something, but you took it for granted and laughed it off. Now you wish only to be able to hear it again and instead of laughing, you want to say something better, something to show they are more appreciated, because you want them back…”
i had this urge to talk about loss, and the grief we can go though. There’s not really a simple conclusion as to why humanity and grief are so intimately intertwined, all i can say is that grief hits you the hardest when you lose someone you love.
Why is this? i think love makes us vulnerable and we also place our needs upon those we love, simply because they allow us to. So that’s why it feels like part of us is lost, once they’re gone. Yet i perceive this to be a beautiful thing, something we don’t appreciate.
We make grief appear to be the enemy of ourselves, but it’s our closest friend when all we love is gone. This isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Human life is destined for death, yet our fear of it and the potential grief it can bring can cause us to be distant from one another, cause us to lie to save face, so our struggles aren’t always shared. We shouldn’t be wasting time fearing the inevitable, as we have changeable things we can do here, there are good things and people to embrace now.
This is what we should fear most, the thought of choosing to live life alone only because we fear the feeling of loss.
In life we have a tendency to have our attention consumed by our worries, our problems and our failures. While it’s healthy to reflect upon these things from time to time to learn from them or gather insight, it becomes a problem if we let our lives be overtaken by the feelings that often accompany these thoughts, generally it’s the fear of loss and failure. This can happen when we look into our lives and see the massive future we have in front of us, yet feel blindsided by our seeming lack of understanding and preparation for whats to come.
While it’s required to plan and prepare for many things in life, there is an aspect in life we also shouldn’t deny. It’s what i will call ‘Quiet Acceptance’, this is something we should also plan for, it’s a time to put our chores on pause, and embrace who we are and what we have become up to this point. This is actually hard to do for a lot of people.
It’s easy to think that a busy life is a good life, but it’s also possible it can keep our important thoughts and feelings beneath the surface, it can create a superficial happiness, where we can only rate our success according to the comparisons we place on others. I don’t think this is a good thing to do.
Our society tells us to be like other people, to like the same brands of products and have nice cars, this flows to our relationships. We watch other people, such as our friends and compare our value with the value we place on them or the value we hear others place on them.
The suggestion I put forward to you to counter this, is to regularly have a time of ‘quiet acceptance’, a time where you can reflect honestly and openly about your own life, let out as many of your emotions as you can such as; frustration, thankfulness, regrets, anger. Yell them to the wind and once you are satisfied, stop and wonder for a moment.
This moment is where you deal with the key things in your heart, this is also the moment where you are able to accept yourself, this is where you can learn to love, not only yourself, but all people, if you are willing to embrace yourself. As once we see our own weaknesses and frustrations aswell as our strengths and gratefulness, and embrace them, it opens our eyes to what other people are going through. It helps take away a negative mindset and allows us to give our heart to something better, something good, something like love or at least a pathway to it.