Choose to live in the Anomaly for once..

“I owe my survival to a morning three years earlier when dust filled the air and i washed my face, wedged a roll of paintings under my arm, and paid a visit to an artist i never met before”
– Er Tai Gao, from his book ‘in search of my homeland’.

I had a dream last night that i was in some orderly group of guys, who were part of something together, then i had a sudden urge to walk out of the building the group was in and go for a walk, then on my return someone had come into the building and taken control of the group, and the guys were caught by the enemy. Upon waking from this dream i remembered the above sentence from a book i am reading, which i remember stood out to me as significant. I think the dream was a way for me to learn the concept of what i will call ‘living in the anomaly’. For example, Have you ever been in a group situation, where you were around friends or work mates and within yourself felt a sudden urge to do something rebellious, to go do your own thing, simply because  you have a desire to try something different? Then perhaps you ignored that feeling and joined in the conversation and acted interested, then went home as per usual.  The point i want to bring to your attention is, what if you did that something different?
How many movies are about people falling in love with strangers, or the kindness of strangers. We all want someone or something to come into our world that either saves us from trouble or gives us what we want but didn’t know how to attain ourselves.
Unfortunately our fear of the world, prevents a lot of us from embracing the risk of choosing the crazy liberating idea in our heads and instead we’re settling for more subtle, controllable expressions and actions so we aren’t seen as too weird for some.
The people around you are waiting for something they can’t describe, but mostly they want to feel connected, they want to be heard, they want to feel helpful, and there’s a chance that by you making an uncommon choice, by you listening to your often unspoken desires, by you walking a different path, talking to a new person, helping that stranger in the street, by you simply deciding to make a change to your daily routine, you may find something special, you may be the stranger the other person has been waiting for, so don’t be afraid to live in the anomaly as much as you want to, which is simply; to live with an open mind to change your behaviour and choices, and listen to your personal instinct, rather than silence it for the assumed good of those around you. Er Tai Gao had his life saved because he took a chance to meet with a stranger and that stranger saved him later in life from a death at a hard labour camp in china, so it’s the choice to change things in your life, to question your behaviours and to give yourself permission to make the different, possibly outrageous decisions in your daily life that lay dormant within yourself, which could be what those around you are waiting for, but it also could be what you need to do to save your own life.


Belief and Faith

We can believe in so many things in so many ways, we can believe in something because of the way it makes us feel, perhaps you feel you’ve found the ultimate truth because you feel like you finally have understanding. Look at your experiences in life, they have shaped your beliefs & you may not of had a choice about what you believed, it just may have been all you’ve known. There are many ways beliefs can be born in us, but the main catalyst for shaping our belief is when a person may influence you with their words or actions which challenge your beliefs.

Sometimes my beliefs can be a form of selfish indulgence which is like a fantasy, that i could believe in to cover up things I didn’t know how to face or didn’t want to. The notion of an ultimate spiritual truth is getting harder to believe the more i become aware of the world around me, we humans are so self-consumed, we have tunnel vision, we only look at our immediate needs and forget everything else, though we might take time out of our usual routine occasionally for a change and to feel something different.

I feel I never began to appreciate life until I embraced who I was & wanted to be & accepted that, though it’s a(sometimes very frustrating) work in progress. Our beliefs are powerful. Whatever we believe in, we can gain power & comfort from, or fear and shame depending on how and what we believe in at the time. I’m toying with the notion that Faith is a principle, as humanity has achieved its greatest feats by believing in things they have not yet seen, that they have not yet created. Life tends to favour the faith prone person rather than the cynical one. Though the faith prone one may fail again and again, once they do acheive their goal, it’s lasts a lot longer then any work the cynical one can do, because the cynical one stays within the safe zone, the predictable zone, their work lacks meaning and fosters complacency which stifles growth.

Its our beliefs that guide our journey, which are forged by our inner desires, which come from something mysterious in this universe.

Who shaped our hearts throughout childhood?

the people we grew up with. The pain & the joy, the desire & the rejection.

When do we discover who we are?

When we believe the impossibly good can happen to us regardless of circumstance which will hopefully drive us to find the best in ourselves, this is called living by faith, you can begin living by faith with whatever it is that you have in your heart and mind to believe or hope for at the moment and see where that takes you, its by living with faith we find out who we really are & can become, because faith allows us an option to escape the world we know and what we believe in will come from our desires, which will drive us on. so what is in your heart? what are you going to believe? do you live by faith?

Our Fire Within

When you can’t see beyond your circumstance you are easily disheartened. Our view of life and our choices are surprisingly short-sighted. From the things we buy to the people we like, it is only really that thought in the present time that determines how you act or react to a situation. The past shapes your view of life but feelings run your daily choices, that is if you are aware of what your feelings are. It’s amazing how our minds can deceive us into thinking a goal we create for our life is the main thing that matters. for example a professional sportsmen can train so hard and focus so intently on being his best that he neglects to recognize other important needs in his own heart. When we focus on achieving something in a blindly focused way, it can easily distract us from viewing our own hearts. We all have deep desires within our hearts, but some are so deep they are covered by layers of personal paraphernalia, it order to find our deep desires we need to ask ourselves tough questions and be willing to deal with topics such as shame, envy, bitterness, unforgiveness, anger just to name a few. If we don’t ever question ourselves then we fail to see our true potential, if we blindly follow our daily pursuits to obtain more in order to feel successful in life, then we miss out on a lot of feelings, emotions and peace in our hearts. I have observed that our true potential is discovered not in the attainment of a better career or things, but in knowing your heart so well, you realise that your needs aren’t so complicated after all, because honest observation of self is like a fire burning within you, you can either view the flame with fear and use it  as an excuse to keep hiding the deep things of your heart in their isolated state, allowing them to have no meaning to you or can view the flame as a personal refining fire that it is only their to burn away the crap laying all around you that you laid there, it gives you a place to burn your junk and help you discover the true desires you may have been neglecting.

Release yourself to change

If your dreams seem undefined, it may be you don’t know who you really are or who you’ve become. The social groups we are surrounded by shape us, either with or without our consent, maybe you’ve been in your social group for so long you no longer know what other things you are capable of or are able to become. Be open to release yourself to change, maybe you might find something new.