Accept and Create

Accept everything around you, let no sound or sight disturb you, embrace it without contempt, and most importantly accept all that you are in the body and heart, nothing more is needed of you than what resides in this moment, you can create whatever you like later on. Take care not to measure the value of who you are based solely on your ability to adapt to an expectation from the world around you or one that you may have even put on yourself, instead create a way to value who you are based upon what you genuinely desire to become.

inner struggle

Letting go of the emotional/mental things I’ve hidden behind within my mind for so long is tough, frustrating, liberating and challenges my very soul. Who am i away from the confines of how i think i should be living, compared to the person i am when i am not ashamed to speak my genuine feelings, when i am the person who can let go of the fear of others peoples judgement and who can be totally genuine in the moment. (the latter is my goal). It’s scary. I’ve hidden my identity behind fears, beliefs and moral values, that I guess I never truly believed in my heart, this is why i was always struggling inside myself being very doubtful, lacking confidence too. I never discovered the man i was, as i was always busy trying to be the man i thought i was expected to be. Plus i was lazy and the struggle was a kind of habitual comfort to me, but i didn’t realize this at the time. Now It’s time to wake up, bring that man within me to the surface for once and no longer hide away in the shadows of my ‘apparent’ beliefs. All this was triggered by a single word, ‘genuine’. i really don’t think I’ve been that, to myself for 29 years. It’s time to press the reset button on my heart.

Belief and Faith

We can believe in so many things in so many ways, we can believe in something because of the way it makes us feel, perhaps you feel you’ve found the ultimate truth because you feel like you finally have understanding. Look at your experiences in life, they have shaped your beliefs & you may not of had a choice about what you believed, it just may have been all you’ve known. There are many ways beliefs can be born in us, but the main catalyst for shaping our belief is when a person may influence you with their words or actions which challenge your beliefs.

Sometimes my beliefs can be a form of selfish indulgence which is like a fantasy, that i could believe in to cover up things I didn’t know how to face or didn’t want to. The notion of an ultimate spiritual truth is getting harder to believe the more i become aware of the world around me, we humans are so self-consumed, we have tunnel vision, we only look at our immediate needs and forget everything else, though we might take time out of our usual routine occasionally for a change and to feel something different.

I feel I never began to appreciate life until I embraced who I was & wanted to be & accepted that, though it’s a(sometimes very frustrating) work in progress. Our beliefs are powerful. Whatever we believe in, we can gain power & comfort from, or fear and shame depending on how and what we believe in at the time. I’m toying with the notion that Faith is a principle, as humanity has achieved its greatest feats by believing in things they have not yet seen, that they have not yet created. Life tends to favour the faith prone person rather than the cynical one. Though the faith prone one may fail again and again, once they do acheive their goal, it’s lasts a lot longer then any work the cynical one can do, because the cynical one stays within the safe zone, the predictable zone, their work lacks meaning and fosters complacency which stifles growth.

Its our beliefs that guide our journey, which are forged by our inner desires, which come from something mysterious in this universe.

Who shaped our hearts throughout childhood?

the people we grew up with. The pain & the joy, the desire & the rejection.

When do we discover who we are?

When we believe the impossibly good can happen to us regardless of circumstance which will hopefully drive us to find the best in ourselves, this is called living by faith, you can begin living by faith with whatever it is that you have in your heart and mind to believe or hope for at the moment and see where that takes you, its by living with faith we find out who we really are & can become, because faith allows us an option to escape the world we know and what we believe in will come from our desires, which will drive us on. so what is in your heart? what are you going to believe? do you live by faith?

personal freedom and betrayal

“when we value being cool and in control over granting ourselves the freedom to unleash the passionate, goofy, heartfelt, and soulful expressions of who we are, we betray ourselves. When we consistently betray ourselves, we can expect to do the same to the people we love.”- Brene Brown (excerpt from her book: gifts of imperfection)

How often have you tried to play the part in order to appear confident or acceptable to others?
it seems we do not get told by others that we are ok as we are, like no one cares enough to speak up when we do something they appreciate.
Our western society is generally governed by assumption, while one assumes the other is ok, the other assumes no one really cares because our ‘how are you’ greeting is only a greeting not really a question. I’ve seen in myself how i focus on how i appear to others and as a result don’t take much risks or too profoundly enquire into another’s life, lest i end up with  a basket case that will become emotionally dependant upon me and encrouch on my personal space ha.
I’ve come to see my insecurity about others lives is more reflective on my own insecurities, would i want to help someone overcome something i am also caught in the middle of with no answer yet? this would require vulnerability and compassion and confession, in order to be of any real help to the other.
The thought i really care about for this post is; do i trust who i am and can i freely express my heart towards others and can i care enough to listen and help another out?
the reason i don’t want another to deconstruct my world with their problems is because i have created my own world my whole life, i don’t know if i can give it up even for a brief time. To change this will take a miracle. A personal revelation of life i am yet to discover. The thing is if i valued myself and didn’t worry about measuring up to another’s standards then i wouldn’t have anything to lose, i would adapt to anything i could care about, i wouldn’t have to worry about the ‘other people’s perception’ factor.
i betray myself when i give up on expressing myself freely with the added possibility that I will betray other people’s confidence, to cover my own insecurities.
So lets not assume anymore, lets ask real questions and spare some real time with one another.