Appreciating Life

Memory is an important tool in our daily life, it keeps us focused, it gets things done.
it reminds us to prepare things and buy things. It helps us to recall why we do things.
Though what i want to talk about is the living memory which is happening right now.
This is the most illusive of all, it’s called appreciation.

It’s very easy to go through life and live day by day. We get caught up in routine, we find new distractions, we work through different emotions and sometimes forget ‘what it’s all about’ amongst it all. It is important to stop and reflect about our lives and question ‘where we are at’ and test ourselves with tough questions like ‘who do i care about’ and’ why did i start doing this?’

As you may have been reading this you may have felt like you were reading some foreign language, you heard the words but didn’t connect them to your life. Well this is what i call ‘life blockage’.
When we experience intense emotions and behavior in our life, our survival instincts tend to kick in, which allows us to keep functioning but affects our ability or willingness to recall that time in our past. this is more the case for negative experiences, where you’re the victim of abuse or any type of hurt from someone you trusted, either by accident or on purpose. Maybe your hearts been broken or someone attacked you or it may not be as blatant as that, maybe you’ve found it hard to connect with people all your life, which may be the result of your childhood environment growing up, which you’re only now coming to terms with as you are moving into adulthood.

Sometimes in life, you have to go back before you can go forwards. If you sense a numbness within you and you find you don’t know how to remember whats important to you in your life, i can suggest some things to consider:

Bitterness – are you holding onto a hurt? if so you are only torturing your own soul, the other person won’t be affected by the ‘hate’ in your heart, only your life will be diminished even further. letting go and if possible forgiving the action that hurt you is your first start to growing into an appreciative human again.

Judgement – do you find you are critiquing many people around you? if so it may be a reflection on your own heart. we judge others harshly, when we judge ourselves harshly. You can’t get fresh juice out of a rotten orange. Start caring about yourself and be kinder to yourself and you may be surprised to find people may respect you more because as a  result of this change, you may not care as much when they make a mistake or offend you, so you become more likeable to others.

Regret – if only you did this or said that…we can easily halt our future by placing our anchors into our past if we aren’t careful. We make choices and then realize often after it’s too late to do anything about it, that it’s not what we wanted to say or do or not do. It’s hard to comprehend, and hard for me to surmize with words, but from my perspective at the moment, if we are holding onto anything of our past which distracts us from the journey of living our life and loving those around us today, right now, then we need to re-assess our feelings and willingness to allow these feeling/emotions to influence how we live today to ensure we don’t waste what we have right in front of us.

For more thoughts on ‘re-assessing yourself’ go to my other post Perception and Introspection

personal freedom and betrayal

“when we value being cool and in control over granting ourselves the freedom to unleash the passionate, goofy, heartfelt, and soulful expressions of who we are, we betray ourselves. When we consistently betray ourselves, we can expect to do the same to the people we love.”- Brene Brown (excerpt from her book: gifts of imperfection)

How often have you tried to play the part in order to appear confident or acceptable to others?
it seems we do not get told by others that we are ok as we are, like no one cares enough to speak up when we do something they appreciate.
Our western society is generally governed by assumption, while one assumes the other is ok, the other assumes no one really cares because our ‘how are you’ greeting is only a greeting not really a question. I’ve seen in myself how i focus on how i appear to others and as a result don’t take much risks or too profoundly enquire into another’s life, lest i end up with  a basket case that will become emotionally dependant upon me and encrouch on my personal space ha.
I’ve come to see my insecurity about others lives is more reflective on my own insecurities, would i want to help someone overcome something i am also caught in the middle of with no answer yet? this would require vulnerability and compassion and confession, in order to be of any real help to the other.
The thought i really care about for this post is; do i trust who i am and can i freely express my heart towards others and can i care enough to listen and help another out?
the reason i don’t want another to deconstruct my world with their problems is because i have created my own world my whole life, i don’t know if i can give it up even for a brief time. To change this will take a miracle. A personal revelation of life i am yet to discover. The thing is if i valued myself and didn’t worry about measuring up to another’s standards then i wouldn’t have anything to lose, i would adapt to anything i could care about, i wouldn’t have to worry about the ‘other people’s perception’ factor.
i betray myself when i give up on expressing myself freely with the added possibility that I will betray other people’s confidence, to cover my own insecurities.
So lets not assume anymore, lets ask real questions and spare some real time with one another.

Our Fire Within

When you can’t see beyond your circumstance you are easily disheartened. Our view of life and our choices are surprisingly short-sighted. From the things we buy to the people we like, it is only really that thought in the present time that determines how you act or react to a situation. The past shapes your view of life but feelings run your daily choices, that is if you are aware of what your feelings are. It’s amazing how our minds can deceive us into thinking a goal we create for our life is the main thing that matters. for example a professional sportsmen can train so hard and focus so intently on being his best that he neglects to recognize other important needs in his own heart. When we focus on achieving something in a blindly focused way, it can easily distract us from viewing our own hearts. We all have deep desires within our hearts, but some are so deep they are covered by layers of personal paraphernalia, it order to find our deep desires we need to ask ourselves tough questions and be willing to deal with topics such as shame, envy, bitterness, unforgiveness, anger just to name a few. If we don’t ever question ourselves then we fail to see our true potential, if we blindly follow our daily pursuits to obtain more in order to feel successful in life, then we miss out on a lot of feelings, emotions and peace in our hearts. I have observed that our true potential is discovered not in the attainment of a better career or things, but in knowing your heart so well, you realise that your needs aren’t so complicated after all, because honest observation of self is like a fire burning within you, you can either view the flame with fear and use it  as an excuse to keep hiding the deep things of your heart in their isolated state, allowing them to have no meaning to you or can view the flame as a personal refining fire that it is only their to burn away the crap laying all around you that you laid there, it gives you a place to burn your junk and help you discover the true desires you may have been neglecting.