Our emotions can lead us to places we often fear to tread by our own volition. Our emotions, thoughts and feelings are often signposts for what we will become, our emotions want to be expressed without fear of judgment and once truly expressed it allows you as a person to become a better and stronger version of yourself that can see a lot clearly what you want out of life. If we choose the alternative to expression, which is suppression we face becoming what we fear and risk losing control of ourselves. As the longer we suppress our true feelings the more bitter and negative our own feelings towards ourselves will become and we become a more bitter and cynical person as a result. It’s better to tread our ways to an uncomfortable place ourselves by choice, rather than letting the emotions bottle up and lead us to a dramatic confrontation of our own inner insecurities. Who can accept us if we are truly open and honest about our feel? Mainly only those who care for us will be able to accept us, but we may be surprised how supportive strangers may be as well. Everyone who judges you negatively is just a critic with no understanding of your life and history, so it’s better to live for the ones you love rather than those bitter lonely critics. We are all human, experiencing similar feelings as each other. The sooner we admit that, the better we will all be for it.
“I owe my survival to a morning three years earlier when dust filled the air and i washed my face, wedged a roll of paintings under my arm, and paid a visit to an artist i never met before”
– Er Tai Gao, from his book ‘in search of my homeland’.
I had a dream last night that i was in some orderly group of guys, who were part of something together, then i had a sudden urge to walk out of the building the group was in and go for a walk, then on my return someone had come into the building and taken control of the group, and the guys were caught by the enemy. Upon waking from this dream i remembered the above sentence from a book i am reading, which i remember stood out to me as significant. I think the dream was a way for me to learn the concept of what i will call ‘living in the anomaly’. For example, Have you ever been in a group situation, where you were around friends or work mates and within yourself felt a sudden urge to do something rebellious, to go do your own thing, simply because you have a desire to try something different? Then perhaps you ignored that feeling and joined in the conversation and acted interested, then went home as per usual. The point i want to bring to your attention is, what if you did that something different?
How many movies are about people falling in love with strangers, or the kindness of strangers. We all want someone or something to come into our world that either saves us from trouble or gives us what we want but didn’t know how to attain ourselves.
Unfortunately our fear of the world, prevents a lot of us from embracing the risk of choosing the crazy liberating idea in our heads and instead we’re settling for more subtle, controllable expressions and actions so we aren’t seen as too weird for some.
The people around you are waiting for something they can’t describe, but mostly they want to feel connected, they want to be heard, they want to feel helpful, and there’s a chance that by you making an uncommon choice, by you listening to your often unspoken desires, by you walking a different path, talking to a new person, helping that stranger in the street, by you simply deciding to make a change to your daily routine, you may find something special, you may be the stranger the other person has been waiting for, so don’t be afraid to live in the anomaly as much as you want to, which is simply; to live with an open mind to change your behaviour and choices, and listen to your personal instinct, rather than silence it for the assumed good of those around you. Er Tai Gao had his life saved because he took a chance to meet with a stranger and that stranger saved him later in life from a death at a hard labour camp in china, so it’s the choice to change things in your life, to question your behaviours and to give yourself permission to make the different, possibly outrageous decisions in your daily life that lay dormant within yourself, which could be what those around you are waiting for, but it also could be what you need to do to save your own life.
When you can’t see beyond your circumstance you are easily disheartened. Our view of life and our choices are surprisingly short-sighted. From the things we buy to the people we like, it is only really that thought in the present time that determines how you act or react to a situation. The past shapes your view of life but feelings run your daily choices, that is if you are aware of what your feelings are. It’s amazing how our minds can deceive us into thinking a goal we create for our life is the main thing that matters. for example a professional sportsmen can train so hard and focus so intently on being his best that he neglects to recognize other important needs in his own heart. When we focus on achieving something in a blindly focused way, it can easily distract us from viewing our own hearts. We all have deep desires within our hearts, but some are so deep they are covered by layers of personal paraphernalia, it order to find our deep desires we need to ask ourselves tough questions and be willing to deal with topics such as shame, envy, bitterness, unforgiveness, anger just to name a few. If we don’t ever question ourselves then we fail to see our true potential, if we blindly follow our daily pursuits to obtain more in order to feel successful in life, then we miss out on a lot of feelings, emotions and peace in our hearts. I have observed that our true potential is discovered not in the attainment of a better career or things, but in knowing your heart so well, you realise that your needs aren’t so complicated after all, because honest observation of self is like a fire burning within you, you can either view the flame with fear and use it as an excuse to keep hiding the deep things of your heart in their isolated state, allowing them to have no meaning to you or can view the flame as a personal refining fire that it is only their to burn away the crap laying all around you that you laid there, it gives you a place to burn your junk and help you discover the true desires you may have been neglecting.
How we view things and anything in life is so various and multifaceted. Our perception of everything around us is dependant upon many things and experiences such as our location, where we are placed, where we sit, where we walk and who we interact with, just to name a few.
I have found my perception of simply walking to something and returning back to where I began leads me to alter my perception each time, I always look for the better route, and each way provides a different view and reveals new paths I previously ignored or missed, all because what I view is forming a new perception of life in my mind, on the fly.
I’m not sure if everyone does that or just me, I’m sure some prefer an habitual path as it’s predictable and feels more comfortable. I do this also, mainly with driving to regular places such as work, as I feel it’s a waste of time choosing other paths to travel when you already know the best path to take, unless something goes wrong, then you need to find a new path on the fly and this can often mean finding new experiences.
The point I’m trying to make is that our perception of life is quite fickle and dependant upon so many factors, influences and environments, but I think there is an underlying motive that drives all that we do and it’s to do with our hearts. What is really fueling you inside? what desires are influencing your daily decisions, sometimes even subconsciously. It could be a desire for a partner, or maybe it’s a conflict that you haven’t resolved with an important person in your life, or maybe it’s battling with grief and not being able to process it or understand it, or you could be so happy that you don’t want anything to change you just want to embrace all that you have and value right now and just want the time to share with those people and things you care for. These are just some things you could be dealing with in your heart.
It’s called introspection, which in my words is the process of analyzing your own heart for issues that are dominant in your mind, to establish what you really need to deal with, and once you do, then see how it affects your perception of life, if it does at all(this isn’t easy and takes time, so don’t try to rush things). I speak of this as we tend to numb our emotions and feelings for our lives and those around us when we are confused or just don’t know what we are feeling. So if we don’t deal with ourselves, it’s highly unlikely others will be able to help us, but remember Support is important, you can’t solve all your problems, some things in life require at least one other trustworthy person who can listen to you and give an alternative view on your own perception of things. So to end this post, your perception of life is not the ultimate truth and we should be careful with how we pass our perceptions on to others and not judge other’s views too harshly, after all we are all vessels of life with our own imperfections. I figure we can either begin to accept those people in our lives or we can judge them and keep our journey’s solitary and depressing. Lets not do the latter, we should stop wasting time in bitterness, anger and confusion because it serves no purpose besides uphold your perception of life high above that of any others and it can burden the people around you, so i suggest one way to combat this is to take time to question how we value our own perception of life and ask ourselves; am I really restricted to this one way of thinking and viewing life? you certainly are not. We were made to create and explore life, not be puppets for it.